The Heat, Earthquakes and doing what is best for your children

In this area, by mid to late July - we have already had our share of high 80's - low triple digits.

This year was exceptionally kind and our first triple digit day was this week.

This afternoon, we had some clouds, a moment or so of rain and the heat has dropped into the 80's.

I won't complain, it could have been so much worse!

Just like the plague of earthquakes SoCal residents have been privvy to, as of late.

Part of me cracks up (no pun intended!) every time someone rushes to Facebook and posts 'OMG! Did you feel that??!?' with an underlying tone of panic.

As a native Californian, I have grown up with earthquakes.

I am honestly - just a bit de-sensitized to the experience.

My thoughts are - if nothing is falling off walls, or the crystal in my hutch is not tinkling - it isn't anything to get all worked up about.

However, that is my gut reaction.

After a few seconds, I start to think about how it is affecting my kids.

Should it get worse, what exactly am I supposed to DO with them?

I would never panic in front of them - but at the same time, my ignorance on how to proceed in a serious situation - causes hesitation and uncertainty.

Are you REALLY supposed to stand in a doorway? I thought I read to go under a strong table? Is outside truly safer than inside? What about falling electrical lines?

See? I can stir up a good panic, just like the next person!
As always, the analytical side of me see's a lesson in this.

Should we panic when something begins to 'rock our world' - or wait until the damage has truly set in to react?

Julian and Dilly have anger issues.
Not acceptable, but more understandable in a 7 yr old with ADHD and a light dose of Aspergers.

However, when I was dating my husband, I remember how he would tell me with pride how he hadn't lost his temper in a long time, well over a year - and how proud he was of the fact.

Should have been a red flag.

If someone has an issue so bad, that he has to work so very hard to suppress it - brags about it - and then with the first healthy dose of the 'real world' looses it all again, they need help.

I used to laugh when his family would tell me story's of a very volatile and angry Dilly - the child.

Always getting into fights, getting spanked, punished and doing it all over again.

That is, until we had Julian.

I was such a quiet kid (never would've guessed it knowing me now!), scared to death of upsetting or disappointing anyone - ESPECIALLY my parents.

If I did something that did not please them, the disappoinment on their faces, would hurt a million times worse than any spanking they could have given me.

I was actually only spanked on the bottom, once as a child - after scaring my parents half to death, by sneaking out at 5am on a Saturday morning to go next door to my neighbors house, so that we would be ASSURED a long enough day of playing.

THE one and only time my dad took me over his knee.

And 44 years later, I still remember it as if it were yesterday.

My pride hurting much more than my bottom.

My daughter Lauren was a very good child.

Very mature, sensible and well behaved.

Brendan was very quiet and only showed his temper when met with a truly horrific task at hand - such as having to take medicines for chronic ear infections or brushing his teeth.

The taste and texture was sheer torture to him, but many times we literally had to pin him down or sit on him, to get the meds down his throat - or his teeth clean.

Thank God he outgrew the ear infections around age 6.

The teeth issues stayed around MUCH longer...

From birth, we could see that Julian was going to be a handful.

He wasn't a difficult baby - but from the beginning, I think the word Extreme, was the best way to describe him.

As a toddler, his temper became apparent and it also grew with him.
The rage behind his tantrums, seemed Super Sized for a child so small.

As he became increasingly difficult to handle - a distance began to grow between him and my husband.

Brendan too, began to avoid him more.

While this created a closeness between my youngest son and myself - it was a huge responsibility. Being his sole cargiver, I was basically transformed into a single parent.

When it was solely my responsibility to get him through these times, I found that letting the explosion die it's own natural death, was the best way of handling him.

Just making sure that he was somewhere that he could not hurt himself, or anyone or anyTHING in the process.

It was hard for me, watching him, hearing him - and at time's sitting cross legged on my bed with him in my lap in a 'spooning' type of bear hug - until he would finally collapse in sheer exhaustion, limp in my arms and drenched in tears and sweat.

I had no clue then, that more of this was inherited than I would have ever imagined.

His extreme emotions are very hard for Dilly and Brendan to be around and deal with.

Their lack of involvement in his day to day activities because of the meltdowns, eventually became triggers for these very same tantrums.

So yes, with Julian - I was gradually exposed to what would become the major issue of his childhood - and will more than likely, be something he will have to deal with his entire life - to one degree or another.

Just as his father does to this day.

With the hard also comes the easy, though.

This child was ALL imagination!

He could entertain himself for hours out in our small backyard, with rocks, a ball and a table!

My daughter was too mature for her own good, refusing to play pretend for the very fact that 'it was not REAL.'

And Brendan where I am sure he was capable of pretending inside his head - had a heck of a time letting any of that out, along with his thoughts and feelings.

Julian was 'my kid', in this respect, with the very persona of an artist.

Imaginative, energetic, creative, bright and charming.

His laughter infectuous, his smile engaging.

Naturally athletic, all that energy was perfect for running, climbing, swimming and playing ball.
He already showed a quickness that is sure to benefit any sport he should choose to play.

As of now, those choices are soccer, basketball and football.

The epitome of a social animal, loved by his teachers and never at a loss of playmates -

he has friends galore and makes new ones everywhere he goes.

His birthday party's always end up with MORE kids than we could ever plan for!

And a typical weekend has him traveling from one friends house to another - for swimming, dinner, games....

When he is good - he is amazing, sweet, funny and affectionate.

When he is bad.......oh boy.

He has verbally threatened to kill me, says he hates me and has destroyed his room in a matter of seconds with his rages.

Last year we started him on Strattera.

While getting the perfect dosage and administering it the best possible way, is a challenge - it HAS made a difference.

I hate you, I want to kill you has been replaced with 'You're a big meanie!' and 'I don't like you!"

Much more common things for a 6-7 yr old to say to the person laying down the law, no?

While we are far from being in control of this situation.

It is much closer - and can continue as long as his father does not enter the Discipline Mix.

That is the monkey wrench, in our machine, so to speak.

The two of them raging simultaneously is enough to send even the strongest person over the edge.

Brendan hides and I have to play referee - which I really, really hate.

So now, as with the earthquake - I am riding it out.
Hoping that I am doing the right thing by Julian.

Watching to see if he is learning the coping skills and lessons I am trying to teach him.

To see if, I need to take further action or just listen for the 'glass shaking'.

We could hide under something hoping it all goes away - but that would not help anyone.

By writing this, I am 'going outside' with it and taking my chances with the downed electrical lines.

Hoping and praying that I don't get burned or electrocuted and that the fault lines will continue to hold themselves together, while we live to see another day.

Have a good Friday!